Frankie Freako (2024) - Movie Review
What if I told you one of my favorite filmmaking teams failed to deliver on the hype behind their new film? A director who has made multiple best of the year films IMO in the horror genre completely missed the mark?
Yeah, I wish I were joking too.
Let’s discuss.
Frankie Freako is a 2024 Horror/Sci-Fi/Comedy film brought to us by writer/director Steven Kostanski. Yes, the same writer/director who brought us masterpieces like 2016’s The Void and 2020’s Psycho Goreman. Yes, he was also a founding member of the greatest micro-budget filmmaking team of the modern era, Astron-6. The team behind classics like 2011’s Father’s Day and 2014’s ultimate tribute to Italian Gialli, The Editor. Unfortunately, this movie doesn’t hold a candle to their catalog of absurdist classics.
The film focuses on Conor, a high-strung, virginal businessman who is about as boring as a human can be. That doesn’t stop him from having an extremely high opinion of himself. He’s so cocky in his abilities, that he doesn’t realize he’s boring himself out of the job and out of his relationship. That’s when he starts seeing ads for a spicy new 900 number that promises to turn his boring life into a non-stop thrill ride. Little does he know the strings that came attached to that phone call, and I’m not talking about the $1.99 a minute. Conor finds out that living a non-stop party isn’t all fun and games. As his life falls apart around him, as a two-foot-tall demon cracks wise at his side, will Conor find the strength to break out of his shell in time to save reality? Find out in tonight’s feature, Frankie Freako!
I had to try hard to make that synopsis exciting. It hurts me to say it, but this is the worst script Kostanski has ever put forward
What little story makes it to the screen lacks any true direction.
On one hand, it’s a spoof of creature feature coming of age films from the 80s like 1987’s Garbage Pail Kids and 1989’s Little Monsters. On the other hand, it attempts to also be a sex-comedy and an adventure film, and a sci-fi movie. It’s an absolute mess of a film and lacks the overall charm of the previous films in his filmography. This felt more like a short film cosplaying as a full-length feature.
They somehow made 85 minutes feel like three hours.
I honestly have my doubts that there was a script. The dialogue was so bland, nonsensical, and disjointed that it felt like they were improvising as they went. It didn’t help that the vintage lighting aesthetic that they were going for just made the film look sloppy. I get that they were going for an in-frame picture that looked similar to things like 1987’s Dolls, but it just missed the mark entirely, and led to being able to see the seams in the set dressing, and making the beautiful Kristy Wordsworth look a decade older than she is.
Conor Sweeney has been fantastic in every Astron-6 production, but he has a role he’s good at—the Idiot Asshole. He’s not a leading man, even in an indie picture. He’s at his best we he gets to play off of a straight-man lead like in The Editor. In this film, he’s completely unlikable, boring, and the character just feels like a punchline to a joke in someone else’s head.
Adam Brooks is wasted here.
He’s the most talented actor in the film and all of Astron-6’s films. He’s a star, and his sardonic aura somehow makes him the most likable performer here, even though he is a two-dimensional caricature whose sub-plot should have been cut as it went nowhere and added 0 to the film. It felt like his scenes were in a different story altogether.
The one bright spot of the film is the incredible practical effects provided by Mike Hamilton, Cody Kennedy, and their team.
The effects are mostly practical and are an obvious tribute to the great SFX artists of the 80s and 90s, like Rob Bottin and John Carl Buechler. The puppets are basic, but they have a fantastic depth of character, and they steal the show. The brief portion of the film set in Freako World is the highlight. I wish the entire film had been set in that alternate universe, then the plot could have been simply to escape. However, this segment of the film is short and only serves to give us our villain, President Munch, in the latter third of the movie. Munch is multiple incredible puppets and is the masterpiece of the film.
Even the digital effects hold up in the Astros-6 style. Think Manborg and you’ll understand.
Sadly, this is neither good nor is it entertaining enough to recommend.
If you’re a diehard fan like me, you can check this out streaming on ShoutTV, Shudder, and AMC+.
